Weekly Post #4

THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

Usually, you see people talking about the best day of their lives, but, how often have you seen someone talking about their best night. And let’s say you have heard about it, because they went out in the night and had the best time ever, but they’ve ever told you about their best night thoughts.

Here we go

Yeah is about that time in life when I get a bit deep and emotional, and I talk about things that usually don’t use to let out of my mind at all. But, hey you all knew this had to happen sometime so let me introduce myself so you can get to understand a bit better my life and why I’m telling this.

Bit of background

Let’s be quick and slick so you don’t get bored or overwhelmed with all the “me, myself and I”. So, name’s Alejandro, I was born the 11/03/02 at a hospital bed in Torreon, Mexico. I was born in a small and sort of stereotypic family, mom and dad married and with a just bought house on a city right next to the one I was born. I was a sweet little single child, or that was until I was 4 years old and my first little sister was born, and yeah I said first because 2 years later another little girl appeared in my life to complete our family.

Consequences        

Now this kind of family, my parents good and mistaken choices (because let´s be honest they did the best they could, but no one is perfect, even my the best of the best have slipped at least once), my physical appearance, and environment while growing up led to some pretty neat things and some other nasty things.

What they call “smart”

Let’s get this straight, I was born “smart” or more like academically or logical-mathematically smart, and that was from the very beginning I always was that smart ass boy that had all the answers and got a perfect, if not almost perfect grades in every subject they had, but we all know that when you get a gift, you almost always got to get some sort of curse or penalization.

Not as good as they say

What I’m talking about here is, as every smart boy, I was awfully shy (but in my defense most people were shy in their early years, to be honest) and socially awkward. I had a very small sense of what was socially accepted and I wasn’t (still ain’t) the prettiest or most physically gifted guy in the school and that back then as a kid, was a hard hit on my feels and self-esteem that slowly and quietly started to grow up to me until it caught me the most (because it couldn’t go any other way) on my teenage years.

DEFINITELY not as good as they say

And to be honest I don’t really like to talk about this, but this obviously led to depression, and as you may see not the one that is confused with sadness or is fake or whatnot, no I’m talking about the mood disorder that always told me I wasn’t enough and that I wasn’t fulfilling the expectations everyone had about me. This was killing me on the inside more than what any other thing could kill me on the outside ( I mean obviously a gun could easily get me dead in a second but I’m obviously omitting that fact), and it felt like a poison I took as a child that was slowly getting me sadder and worst at life in general.

Slick and silent

Now, this started to be noticeable in my grades only up until 5^th grade (maybe even 4^th) but I started to actually be sort of aware or getting struck by it was at 3^rd grade. And everything just went downwards from then on until 2^nd grade of middle school.

Weird

Back then, I remember struggling to get things right, again especially in the social area (note: this was weird as I didn’t struggle to find any friends but the hard part for me always were to keep up with the criticism and, at some point, bullying I used to get) (note #2: I know this is starting to get redundant, soon you’ll see the why) and this again just keep getting my grades down and down. But I’ll never forget the lessons of Miss Lupita.

A real teacher

She was my English teacher, and also the nicest person you’ll ever meet, I mean unless you’ve been really mean or an employee not doing a very good job; but to us, her students she really did her best for us to be not just better at the language, but also be better students and most important of all, better persons, better humans and she was without a doubt someone that really help me to get through the year, which I can say was the worst of the 3 of them, but thanks to her also my best year of them all.

Not perfect

But let’s admit something, she wasn’t perfect, and to be honest not even close. She wasn’t the prettiest, even though she tried hard, she also wasn’t the most punctual, and in fact, she missed class and also got late a couple of times. But if I’m to say, and I am, she was the one that though me that not everything’s bad and that there’s still a shimmer of light for humanity. If you could compare her to someone she was at some level like my mom (actually now that I think about it they were pretty alike in a lot of ways), and even though I wouldn’t change my mom for nothing, she was that light that illuminated my dark days at school.

Last but, definitely, not least

Also I won’t forget the rest of the people that believed in me, like some of my 3^rd grade mates of elementary at Chihuahua, or my friends like Edgar, Naiyb, both Alans, and more recently Axel, Andree, and Maribel, but most of all my teachers, that always saw potential and trusted my despite my behavior, like Tr. Paco and her wife Gloria, Miss Lupita (another one), Miss Jessica, Tr. Juan Ramon, and Juan (just Juan), Marcos, and for this school pretty much all of the ones from 3^rd grade and some from this year especially Miss Valeria, Carlos David, Ivan, Alexis and you teacher, yeah, you the one reading this, thanks a lot, for real.

Prelude

And for the main event that everybody has been waiting for: the best time of my life, I especially remember that day. It was a Sunday, December 9^th to be clear. It had been a nice week but to be honest I don’t remember much about it, but it definitely was a good one (I recall that somehow), and that day in specific was pretty interesting as well, because, to be honest, I spent it with my family as a normal Sunday, but what changed the game was the fact that I had just finished my first semester at high school and it was the perfect moment for me to do an inflection and think about everything that had happened and was happening in my life and what I was doing with it. And at night (the night right before my final exams week) I had an epiphany and woke up from the state I was putting myself into.

Remembering

And everything you have read before that was me before, the one that didn’t think enough of himself and hated himself more than everyone else was hatting on him.

Awake and alive

So when I finally realized that it felt like a reborn and awakening at the same time because I learned that I actually was worth it that I had something to live that I had “potential” and I was okay with who I am, also I understood and forgave myself and made things up things with myself and convinced me that I had reached my limit and I wouldn’t let myself or anybody else make me feel bad about myself again.

Likable

Also I always was trying really hard for everyone to like me and that is pretty much impossible, so I told myself that I wouldn’t keep doing so because it wasn’t helping me but instead it was keeping me from doing what I feel like (I mean you can’t do everything you please every time you want to, there are social and legal regulations that are meant to be followed for society sake and stability) and keeping me from expressing myself as I wanted to I was very afraid of things like social rejection or just general rejection, and every time it happened to me was down and felt like trash, such things I am not meant to be afraid of.

Beautiful

I also realized something really beautiful: I found out I’ve met the best woman and I hadn’t realized until now, and all because I just was too busy looking out there for a girl to fall in love with me that I hadn’t realized the one meant for me had been in front of me this whole time and that she was all I was looking for, now I’m just waiting for a chance to let her know, and whatever the answer is I’ll be pleased to the fact that at least now she knows what I really think about her, that’s what I really like about her that she can be either my friend or my girl and I’ll like it either way, that’s how perfect she is to me.

Now I could keep going for eternity about all my thoughts lately but that’s a story for another day

But hey I think you’ve heard enough about me, and I don’t know if you read it all but thanks for sticking by here at my little space on the internet.

Thanks again and as always catch you later my friend. (8